Motivation

Did you know that a major source of stress in your life is the "fear of rejection" or "fear of criticism?"  This fear of rejection manifests itself in an over-concern for the approval or disapproval of your boss or other people. The fear of rejection is often learned in early childhood as the result of a parent giving the child what psychologists call "conditional love."  Rise Above the Need For Approval Many parents made the mistake of giving love and approval to their children only when their children did something that they wanted them to do. A child who has grown up with this kind of conditional love tends to seek for unconditional approval from others all his or her life. When the child becomes an adult, this need for approval from the parent is transferred to the workplace and onto the boss. The adult employee can then become preoccupied with the opinion of the boss. This preoccupation can lead to an obsession to perform to some undetermined high sta...

Listening is an art. Do you know how to listen, or do you know how to hear? When you listen, you pay attention not only to what the person is saying, but also to how they are saying it. You take in their body language and notice unspoken messages. You check for understanding by repeating what they say as you understood it. Your intention is to understand the entire message. Practicing your listening skills can greatly improve relationships.  People like to be heard and understood.  You cannot listen if you are thinking of the smart things you can say next. You cannot listen if you are focused on yourself and how you want to appear. Instead of trying to be interesting, just be interested. When others have been heard and understood, they are more likely to listen to and understand  you . They will share their true feelings more readily, and you will build rapport much more quickly. Get people talking! Ask them questions, put the focus on them, and be interested in their ans...

  A Cup of COFFEE   I sat with my friend in a well-known coffee shop in a neighbouring town of Venice (Italy), the city of lights and water. As we enjoyed our coffee, a man entered and sat at an empty table beside us. He called the waiter and placed his order saying, ‘Two cups of coffee, one of them there on the wall.’  We heard this order with rather interest and observed that he was served with one cup of coffee but he paid for two. As soon as he left, the waiter pasted a piece of paper on the wall saying ‘A Cup of Coffee’.   While we were still there, two other men entered and ordered three cups of coffee, two on the table and one on the wall. They had the two cups of coffee but paid for three and left. This time also, the waiter did the same; he pasted a piece of paper on the wall saying, ‘A Cup of Coffee’.  It was something unique and perplexing for us. We finished our coffee, paid the bill and left. After a few days, we had a chance to go to this coff...

Somebody said you have to love what you do, but that's not necessarily true. What is true is that you have to love the opportunity—the opportunity to build life, future, health, success and fortune.  Knocking on someone's door may not be something you love to do, but you love the opportunity of what might be behind that door. For example, a guy says, “I'm digging ditches. Should I love digging ditches?” The answer is, “No, you don't have to love digging ditches, but if it is your first entry onto the ladder of success, you say, ‘I'm glad somebody gave me the opportunity to dig ditches. I'm going to do it so well, I won't be here long.’” You don't have to love it, you just have to learn to appreciate opportunity and appreciate the person who brought you the good news, who found you. Appreciate the person who believed in you before you believed in yourself; appreciate the person who said, “Hey, if I can do it, you can do it.” If you will embrace the discip...

The root of the word empathy is PATHOS— the Greek word for feeling. SYMpathy means acknowledging the feelings of someone else, as in, “I sympathize with you.” And empathy is a term for a deeper feeling. It means, “I feel what you feel. I can put myself in your shoes.” Sympathy results in kindness and sometimes pity. Empathy results in actually feeling the pain, or the joy, of the other person. You can see how the willingness to be flexible comes more easily when you can put yourself in the other person's place. Empathy is a key skill taught in negotiating. William Ury, in his book,  Getting Past No , makes the point that every human being has a deep need for his or her feelings to be recognized—knowing this can help tremendously in a difficult negotiation by creating a climate for agreement. Ury counsels that it's important to acknowledge both the factual point and the feelings of the other person. He uses the example of an employee approaching a boss. The employee says, “I jus...

Three key words to remember: weigh, count and measure. But why? To see what your results are from your activity, your attitude and your philosophy. If you find that the results are not to your liking, there are only three places to look. Your philosophy needs to be fine-tuned, your attitude needs to be strengthened or your disciplines need extra skill.  Activity, attitude and philosophy create results. Now on results I teach that life expects you to make measurable progress in reasonable time. But you must be reasonable with time. You can't say to someone every five minutes, “How are you doing now?” That's too soon to ask for a count. Guy says, "I haven't left the building yet, give me a break!" Now you can't wait five years—that's too long. Too many things can go wrong waiting too long to see how you're doing. Here are some good time frames: 1. At the end of the day.  You can't let more than a day go by without looking at some things and making pr...

  The old Master instructed the unhappy young man to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then to drink it. "How does it taste?" the Master asked. "Not good at all," spat the apprentice. The Master chuckled and then asked the young man to take another handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and when the apprentice swirled his handful of salt into the lake, the old man said, "Now drink from the lake." As the water dripped down the young man's chin, the Master asked, "How does it taste?" "Good!" remarked the apprentice. "Do you taste the salt?" asked the Master. "No," said the young man. The Master sat beside this troubled young man, took his hands, and said, " The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains the same, exactly the same. But the amount we taste the 'pain' depends on the container we put it into. So ...

Aristotle wrote, “We are what we repeatedly do.” Merriam-Webster defines habit this way: “An acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary.” There’s a story about a man riding a horse, galloping quickly. It appears that he’s going somewhere very important. A man standing along the roadside shouts, “Where are you going?” The rider replies, “I don’t know. Ask the horse!” This is the story of most people’s lives; they’re riding the horse of their habits, with no idea where they’re headed. It’s time to take control of the reins, and move your life in the direction of where you really want to go. If you’ve been living on autopilot and allowing your habits to run you, I want you to understand why. And I want you to let yourself off the hook. After all, you’re in good company. Psychological studies reveal that 95 percent of everything we feel, think, do, and achieve is a result of a learned habit! We’re born with instincts, of course, but no habits at all. We deve...

Because my work involves so much mandatory reading, I don't get to do a lot of pleasure reading. There is just too little time for short stories or poetry. I typically only get to the things friends have already read and recommend to me. They are my book reviewers. They keep me from wasting time.   My favorite popular writer is John Grisham. He is the author of twenty-two novels, one work of nonfiction, a collection of stories, and a novel for young readers. I respect good story-tellers, and he knows how to tell a good story.             Although his books have sold some 300 million copies, people sometimes pan him. "He's no Hemmingway or Faulkner!" says one reviewer. "He is not a particularly good writer," pontificates another, "and it is unlikely that anyone will be reading his 'potboilers' in another generation."             Sour grapes! Some of the people writing that t...

Is thankfulness a survival skill? Perhaps most of you would respond with, “No, Jim, thankfulness is not key to survival,” and I would tend to agree with you. Most of us have probably already solved the necessary problems of survival, gone beyond that and are now working to achieve our desires. But let me give you this key phrase: “Learn to be thankful for what you already have, while you pursue all that you want.”  I believe one of the greatest and perhaps one of the simplest lessons in life we can learn is to be thankful for what we have already received and accomplished. Both the years and the experiences have brought me here to where I stand today, but it is the thankfulness that opened the windows of opportunities, of blessings, of unique experiences to flow my way. My gratitude starts with my parents who raised me and gave me an incredible foundation that has lasted me all of these years and continues with the mentors that I've met along the way who absolutely changed and revo...